Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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