so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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