That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just invented taco cereal.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
