The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
