I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
