So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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