she smelled like a LAN party
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
