sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
