im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As shirtless as possible
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
