3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
youre lurking in front of me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
