For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
