They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
