He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
where are you?
Hypothermia
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
