your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
