you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
