Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
