while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
