it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
