I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
