Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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