apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
