so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
