3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
