they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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