I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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