I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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