Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
