if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who died my cat blue again?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
