hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
