Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
