and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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