I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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