Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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