I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
