Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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