i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
