worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
