dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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