gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize