I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
