how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
