my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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