I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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