This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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