He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
