I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
