I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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