I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
