Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
