I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My cat gives me a boner
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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