I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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