all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
