went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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