some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
should my penis look like a turkey
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
