The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize