The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
