Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
