god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
look no pants
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
