i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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