I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
