This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize