The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
