Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
