Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
