you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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