She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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