I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
