she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
