I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
