I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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