just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
