My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
