I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
