If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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