Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
