you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
